College moods are unlike anything that I have ever felt before. The best way I could describe it as is that moment when you are a kid, and all of a sudden you experience a feeling you’ve never felt before: You didn’t know you could feel multiple emotions at the same time, and then it happens. Your parents say you are growing up, and then it all goes downhill from there. Like the whole point of middle school is to give yourself some time to realize there is more to life than just happy and sad. And if you don’t use middle school to figure that out then high school, which adds on tests, and dances, gets way more difficult than you could ever imagine.
College is kinda like that, but instead of preparing me for highschool, it is preparing me for young adulthood (maybe, I haven’t gotten there yet). And I am scared. Imma break down, just a small percentage of these emotions for you. Because there are way more than could ever be explained.
Emotion #1.
Name: As-Long-As-I-Keep-Shoving-(insert snack name)-Into-My-Face-I-Will-Continue-To-Be-Productive.
Explanation: Very rarely am I productive without tricking myself into being productive. As a Junior, who has had many years of times where she needed to be productive, I have found the most effective method is to fill a table with every snack in your snack-closet, and then there will be no reason to leave the studying area. And if the constant stream of food into your mouth does not fuel your brain, it will at least distract it from the pain of declining Greek verbs.
Resulting Emotion: A mix of regret, accomplishment, and the need to unbutton my pants.
Emotion #2.
Name: I-Just-Transferred-Money-Into-My-Bank-Account-Last-Week-And-Have-Not-Bought-Anything-Yet-But-For-Some-Reason-I-Am-Still-Scared-To-Look-At-The-Account-But-Now-I-Have-To-Pay-A-Bill-So-I-Have-To-Look.
Explanation: I make the majority of the money I use during the school year in the summer. You know, with the lucrative, high earning, internships one can get in the non-profit archiving world (lol). But I typically try to fool myself at the end of the summer by putting some of that money into savings, and then I slowly transfer it back throughout the year. That money always disappears faster than I think it will. This should be reason enough to check the account every so often, as a confirmation that I am not overdrafting, but most of the time I am too scared so the only motivation I get to look at it, is via force, when I receive a bill that I need to pay.
Resulting Emotion: Complete and total panic-attack as the page loads, followed by (most of the time) a sigh of relief, or (all the other times) a sigh of acceptance that I must transfer fund, and then a quick burst of contentment in my ability to adult.
Emotion #3.
Name: I-Just-Made-A-Meal-In-My-Kitchen-And-Now-That-It-Is-A-Few-Hours-Later-And-I-Am-Not-Sick-I-Feel-Like-I-Probably-Did-It-Right.
Explanation: If my parents were reading this, they would laugh. I cook all the time at home. I make delicious meals, and I often times feed them to people with confidence that I would not make them sick. But there is something about cooking a successful meal using tools that are bought with a salary, that makes me a little more confident, than a meal using tools that are bought with a mixture of meal points (buying food from the PDen), meal swipes (putting non-sensical ingredients into a to-go box from the DH), whatever I have left that I snuck into my car from my parents kitchen when I left home last time, and the absolute essential ingredients from Publix. Today, I am proud to say was one of those days where a meal using all four types of those ingredients worked out, sometimes I can not say that.
Resulting Emotion: Pride, that leads to pictures and texts sent home along with forcing the food down my roommate’s throat, satisfaction at a job well done, and annoyance that the dishes still have to be done.
Emotion #4.
Name: I-Have-A-Paper-And-A-Test-And-Homework-But-I-Should-Probably-Blog-Instead.
Explanation. Sometimes there are moments when you need to get work done, and you have just eaten a delicious homemade meal (see emotion #3) so you can not motivate yourself with more food (see emotion #1) unless you want to explode, so you have to motivate yourself by doing something that looks productive but isn’t really, such as writing a blog post.
Resulting Emotion: Lightness in spirit, as I have just laughed at my own jokes for a full blog post, exhaustion, as I realize I just spent time I should have been studying on writing this blog and now it is officially late, and confusion, because college makes me confused the majority of the time, and that emotion can be added onto what I am feeling at anytime of any day.
I hope that I will have these emotions figured out properly before I leave Furman because then I will have to do it by myself, without all the other students here that are willing to shove cookie dough in their face and watch Netflix with me as we both try to escape the feelings that lives brings us. But for now, I will just enjoy feeling confused.